Last week’s foul mood followed me into this week. Objectively, I could clearly see negative thought patterns – feeling overwhelmed, like my life doesn’t have room for fun anymore, feeling cynical. But I couldn’t seem to ignite a means to interrupt the pattern like I usually can.

My old ways of motivating myself, such as keeping my goals at the forefront of my mind, weren’t working because I felt like there was no time to do anything. I kept feeling like a mouse on a wheel: up early, work out, work all day and late into the evening. My only escape was sitting on the couch and eating dinner … but even that had become depressing, because the second I’d put the fork down, it would be time for bed.

And even if I did have an ounce of free time, I’m not sure what I would have done with it. The apartment needed some attention, but I didn’t feel like tidying it up anyway. I’d probably do nothing but sit around and mope and feel bad for leaving the apartment sloppy. Kind of like I did on Sunday when I laid on the couch and watched crappy movies while it poured rain outside.

On top of all this, Steve’s mood had been no better, and I think we were just kind bouncing bad vibes back off each other, with very little warmth or our usual team spirit. Steve mentioned this one night this week, and I think his acknowledging it set some good feelings into motion. We became more tender with each other again, and the mood began to lift, slowly. Steve started working out again, which provides a shot of endorphins for a nice boost, and so I think he’s been getting happier.

Finally, this morning, I broke the spell entirely.

I’m going to Sita’s house for a wine and jewelry party tonight, which means Steve is on his own. As I got ready to go to the gym this morning, it occurred to me that there’s something really nice I could do for him. I broke my routine, and I didn’t go to the gym. Instead, I stayed home and cleaned up the apartment like a maniac, if maniacs tended to clean apartments. Now Steve has a tidy, comfy apartment to come home to this evening. And I finally feel like I got something accomplished, outside of work, of course.

It’s funny how a neat apartment can offer such a lift, and how a messy place is such a big drag. I’m sure there’s a big bundle of reasons why we were in bad moods. Stress from work. The crappy weather and feeling trapped inside. Feeling unfulfilled and like we can’t get off the treadmill of life. And then one day you fall off and you die. So I can’t entirely place all the blame on a messy apartment.

But today there’s a spring in my step. I get to have the feeling of happiness that doing something nice for a loved one can provide. Now there’s a finite number of things we can do to make the apartment better (whereas before, it was a sea of chaos.)

I can see that it won’t be an issue to write a few thank you notes a day. Even better, I can finally see that it’s time to finish revising my book, and this weekend is going to provide a good opportunity to make some headway. I think I’ll ride the wave of this elevated frame of mind and see where it takes me.